Category Archives: The Baseball Gods

Roys

In a surprising move Thursday, the defending National League Champion Philadelphia Phillies traded their team and the contents of their farm system in order to corner the market on starting pitchers called Roy. Is it actually possible to play the … Continue reading

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Season

Opening Day. The third finest day of the year. Maybe the fourth finest on years when St. Patrick’s Day is an honest hoolie. I’ve only missed one Opening Day since 2005. In 2007 some gigantically evil bastard scheduled a massive … Continue reading

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Vernal

It’s official. It’s spring! Up yours, you buck-toothed, Pennsylvanian underminer of foundations. Up yours, Al Gore and your global warmongering induced snowfall. Up yours, winter. Yesterday was Truck Day in Philadelphia and today is Truck Day in Boston. Less than … Continue reading

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Phinished

Welcome to 2003. I have spent the better part of 36 hours trying to decide between suicide and homicide. Then merely veering between sheer despair and tentative hopefulness. I feel like my dog died after running away with my girlfriend. … Continue reading

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Bygone

Hey kids, we’re damned close to doing this for all the marbles so I have a couple of requests: 1. Let’s shitcan those towels. That’s a football thing. And worse, a Pittsburgh football thing. We can’t come up with our … Continue reading

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