All right. So this is the movie that changes movies forever. Hot damn.
The best part of the whole IMAX/3-D/Digiwhateverthef**K fourteen dollar experience was that the glasses they gave me were the same kind the Visitors wore in the good version of V back in nineteen-eighty-something.
I’m old. I admit it. I realized today I’m old enough to have made a kid at 18 who’d now be turning 18. If I had. Which I haven’t.
I digress.
I can’t get used to all the CGI. I didn’t give a damn about this film. Didn’t care about the characters, didn’t care about the landscape. It’s all so gawd-awful unreal that it’s impossible to lose yourself in it. It’s like the new Star Wars movies: there’s no grease, there’s no blood, there’s not even any goddamned DIRT. Willing suspension of disbelief only goes so far. Especially when nobody gets dirty in the f**king jungle.
And I don’t like the 3-D. When I see 3-D I want to see something that wows me. Bullets flying at my head, spears and arrows and flying dinosaurs shooting out of the screen. Granted, this was far less gimmicky but it loses something. You were fully aware of the two dimensional plane – it was like watching a play on stage: nothing crosses the front of the stage but you can build in three dimensions between the front of the stage and the back of the theatre. That’s precisely what it was like.
Ho hum. I am just about as underwhelmed as I was when I first saw the trailer that was making every dime store retard cream his shorts. Big, blue, unrealistic things at war with rapacious humans. Like I said, ho hum, I’ve seen this before.
I suspect it’s a bad thing when you’re cheering at the final assault on the big blue hippies like it’s the chopper scene from Apocalypse Now. I was hoping and praying the blue hippies would all get wasted because nobody stands in the way of the US military. And hell, in humans vs. aliens – I’m always on the side of the humans.