Best Films of 2005

The only problem with compiling “Best of” lists is I can never remember what the hell happened and what I actually experienced. Fortunately enough when it comes to movies I’ve got my own records and the infinite internet to assist me. So . . .

13. Lord of War – I vaguely remembering laughing in all the inappropriate places. A philosophy I can buy into. Hurrah!

12. The Great Raid – The finest World War Two movie yet made. War is “long stretches of boredom punctuated by moments of extreme terror.” This film captured the boredom but didn’t forget the terror. Or the glory.

11. Constantine – Hot damn, comic book movie! But it had Keanu. Hence the rating.

10. Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang – Val Kilmer? Robert Druggie Junior? Molls, Gangsters, Robbers, Technicolor Noir? What’s not to like?

9. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith – Come on, it wasn’t all bad. The scene at the beginning was as good as the trench raid in Star Wars until the actors opened their mouths. And where was the twelve cheese sandwich eating mother f**ker?

8. Fantastic Four – Another great comic book movie? Be still my beating heart. I read this film was cast based on a low budget, except for the whinging bugger they picked as The Thing I thank God for low budgets.

7. Serenity – Too many people know knothing of the television show that prompted the film. To those people I say: quick man! Pony up the sixty bucks so you don’t miss out on the happiness.

6. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire – Harry Potter! Whee! The new Dumbledore slightly annoys me. He hasn’t the correct mix of tough love. You’ve got to love the legally unnamed band.

5. Batman Begins – The Scarecrow guy scares the hell out of me. Especially since he suddenly seems to be in more films than Jude Law. And Batman doesn’t lisp. Dark, freaky, steampunky noirish. That’s the modern Batman, thank the skies he’s back.

4. Walk the Line – Ray was better, but that may have been because it came first. I take back most of what I said about Joaquin Phoenix but nothing of what I said about Reese Witherspoon. Her performance was sublime but the Oscar, if offered, ought to go to her oversized chin.

3. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – I had to move this from sixth to third because I’ve done little but watch this since it came out on DVD. “Barman! Six pints of bitter please, and quickly! The world’s about to end.” has become part of my everyday vocabulary. But then again, I do spend a great deal of time in bars. And one does need the salt.

2. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe – Just finished reading all seven books. They get better with age, how often can you say that? The alterations annoy me – who the hell is Maughrim? – but the realization is more than sufficient.

1. Sin City – Best comic book movie ever. Something that ought to rank in the top ten best films ever made but somehow I find myself watching the Hitchhiker’s Guide more often that Sin City. Except in strip club parking lots.

Wow. What a great year for weirdos like me. A raft of excellent comic book flicks, oddball Sci Fi stuff, updated noir and war flicks. May 2006 be half so good.