To celebrate this day of days, most manufactured of manufactured holidays, allow me to suggest the following ways to commemorate Earth Day:
13. Leap upon an anthill and smash as many of the little blighters as you can.
12. Regularly pass gas and encourage others to do so.
11. Fill your gas tank with low octane, high emissions fuel and burn through the whole thing in one day.
10. Pee freely on Mother Earth in the delightfully open air.
9. Invest in high-emission, low yield industries.
8. Cut down a tree.
7. Enjoy a relaxing shite in a woodland stream. Enjoy the reaction of the fish and woodland creatures.
6. Change the oil in your car and dump the used 10W40 on a gravel road to keep the dust down.
5. Buy something disposable and plastic and casually throw it away.
4. Eat a tin of non-Dolphin safe tuna.
3. Deliberately mix your recylables with the regular garbage.
2. Backhand a hippie/earth mother/wanna-be-druid, etc.
1. Pave something.
Up yours Gaia.