25 Questions

This is a pretty interesting list of questions (lifted from Cold Fury who lifted it from Acidman). I understand he wanted wimmen to answer the questions and that’d be a hell of an experiment but I reckon I’ll give them a shot as well – everybody’s doing it you know:

1. Do you have a personal hero? If so, who is it?
Heroes are pretty transient things and besides, I’m not one to idolize. Still, I’d have to say if there’s any person I will always think on and try to emulate it’d be my Dad.

2. What is your favorite book of all time and what made it so fucking good?
Tough, very tough. Does anyone really have just one favorite book? A top ten list of faves is very much in order another day, for now I’ll say Swiss Family Robinson by Wyss. Lots of adventure, lots of good-old American know-how (even if they were Swiss). The first long classic I ever read and still one of the best.

3. What does diversity mean to you?
*Insert ROBOT voice here* The need to understand the troubles of people that don’t look like me so I become a better citizen *End ROBOT voice*
Yeah, right. Try the amazingly vast, swirling mass of people from all corners of the globe that came to this country and made it in their own image. The United States of America is the very definition of diversity.

4. What is the wildest thing you?ve ever done?
I dunno, if it was really that wild I’m sure I don’t remember it. Running down the middle of the main street in town barefoot with fixed bayonets and a six foot square battleflag screaming at the top of our lungs?

5. Do you regret doing it?
Hell no, you can’t even see things like that in the movies.

6. Can you drive a stick shift?
First thing I learned in a car. It’s served me well, lo these many years.

7. What?s the highest speed you ever traveled in a car?
Probably not much over 80. I’m calm, cool and collected like that.

8. Were you driving, or riding at the time?
Yep.

9. Which is better: snakes or spiders?
God doesn’t like snakes, that’s good enough for me.

10. What is the most disgusting thing you ever ate?
I think someone made me try hummus once. Tilapia is a pretty damn poor excuse for a fish as well.

11. Have you ever shit your pants? Be HONEST!
What? Since I was out of diapers? Hah!

12. Was losing your virginity an enjoyable experience?
Oh hell yes.

13. Should oral sex be outlawed or encouraged?
Meh, who’s business is it to outlaw something like that? Didn’t find it all that knee-trembling myself but it might have just been a bad experience. Should it be discouraged outside of marriage? Certainly. Outlawed? Never.

14. Name one man with a fine ass.
Awright, the next mofo who says anything about my genes gets it right in the kisser!

15. Do you watch golf on television? If not, will you iron my shirts?
That Tiger Woods is some kind of cablinasian player. But no, it’s only exciting when played full contact – preferably drunk. And sorry, I don’t even iron my own shirts.

16. Who is Martha Burk?
Probably fat and certainly useless. Pitiful, whiny bitch who thinks men’s only clubs are some sort of indicator of a desire to return to the days when men grunted and dragged their wimmens around by the topknot.

17. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Everybody will say looks so I’ll say I’d like to increase my tolerance for alcohol – and have a hot swap liver.

18. Do you eat raw oysters?
Raw? Christ, I don’t even like ’em cooked!

19. Are you claustrophobic?
Nope.

20. If you rode a motorcycle, would you wear a helmet even if the law said you didn?t have to?
Probably not. If you’re going down hard enough to smack your head, you’re probably going to have enough other injuries that survival just might not look so appealing.

21. Name five great Presidents.
George Washington, Theodore Roosevelt, Calvin Coolidge, Ronald Reagan, and George W Bush

22. Name three shitty Presidents.
John Quincy Adams, James Madison, Bill Clinton – man, I’d love to say Millard Fillmore just to write Millard Fillmore but I don’t know anything about him.

23. Now call me fanny and slap my ass. Just kidding.
Piss off.

24. This is the 4th of July. Did you set off any fireworks?
It’s still the Fourth of July? Does that day never end? Nope, the town didn’t want to spend the dough and I heard the ones local businesses ponied up for just sucked. I spent the day imbibing.

25. If you could have dinner and conversation with anyone in the history of the planet, who would you choose?
Benjamin Franklin. I dare you to say that wouldn’t be an absolute screaming hoot.