Stupid People pt. MMMCCXXII

Bonus points if you can calculate the number above. I’m too damned annoyed to be bothered with it right now but I know it’s big.

Alright, I’ll allow that the snow last night was treacherous and today was a little rough but that’s NO EXCUSE for making me drive back from Hanover last night (18 mi.) in second gear and never going faster than 25 mph. It took a bloody HOUR! If we had stopped at a traffic signal I feel fairly certain I would have climbed out, went to the car in front causing the obscenely slow progress and smashed the driver’s head into the steering column. I’m telling you, I was PISSED!

And now today, better than last night but still rough on the curves and the damn nitwits won’t accelerate past 35 mph, even on roads that look as clean as if they’d only been rained on.

Either I have to move north where they know how to handle snow or the rest of these pickaninny weenies have to move south. This here state ain’t big enough for all of us. I mean, really, KEE-RIST! Therefore, as a public service I provide my snow emergency checklist:

1. If you hear the weather report and feel an undeniable urge to purchase two gallons of milk, a case of bottled water and several loaves of bread. Move south.
2. If a slight dusting of snow turns you into Granny Gruntcakes out for her Sunday drive in the old Model A. Move south.
3. If stepping outside to get the mail involves more than two layers of clothing (including undergarments) and/or ridiculously ugly/furry boots from 1982. Move south.

I’m sure there are plenty more possibilities, maybe some kind readers will chime in with one or two but the gist of it is, speed up or get the hell out of my way!