The ratings for the debate seem to be holding. Still, we’re not getting much substance. Both sides present the same talking points ad infinitum whether they relate to the question at hand or not. Tuesday night I couldn’t help but think there must be a more satisfying – a more American – way to determine who is fit to be the President of the United States.
I’m thinking two meetings between the head men – maybe keep the VP debate as is, that’s typically interesting – but make the Presidential candiates meet twice: once to pander to men, once to pander to women.
Men want to know who’s tougher, who will represent America in all her sometimes barbarous glory. I’d like to see a no-holds barred, bare-knuckle fistfight. Or at least a two-man rugby match. Maybe we could alternate formats by election like a duel: the challenger gets to pick the weapons. That would be fine but who really wants Kerry to pick the weapons? It’d end up being something effete like a windsurfing race or a cream pie throwing contest without the cream pies. You’d just make girly throwing motions while mincing away from your opponent’s faux throws.
Women, of course, want to know how the two contestants feel. I’m sure someone can come up with some good ideas [Audrey? Anna? Are you two paying attention?] The best thing I can come up with is some sort of Oprah-fied, shoes off, feet up on the couch, coffee klatch kvetching about how Te-ray-za just doesn’t stoke the fires like she used to.
Americans could then skip the second, watch the first, watch the veeps fight and glide towards November confirmed in our already-formed assumptions.
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