Your friend and mine, the third tier of wingnut politicians named John (McCain) is planning a bill to give us all better television sooner than previously legislated.
Leaving aside the insanity of government legislating what sort of television set we have in our living room, our good friend John plans to help us along that path by providing money for the poor amongst us to update their sets and buy better cable service by the deadline. Heavens! Just think, if the inner-city poor don’t have the new digital sets in time UPN would go instantly under! My God, those people might actually have to go read a book or take a walk rather than drool in front of the boob tube! We can’t have that. We want the people quiet and pliable remember? That’s the plan.
Dammit. I live my life by the television schedule but I’ll be goddamned if the Federal Government is going to mandate that I shovel even more of my hard-earned dough toward the cable company in order that they may bring me eleventy-hundred additional home shopping channels and virtually no additional content. Television already costs more than one dollar a day and I only look at nine channels on anything approaching a regular basis.
Men named John are undoubtedly the greatest threat our society has faced throughout its history: John Bull, John Brown, John Wilkes Booth, Johnny Ringo, John Bigboote, John Kerry, John Edwards, John McCain, &c.