Well, that’s one semi-self-delusional adventure over. Now we wait to see what happens next.
I know two emotions very well: apathy and anger. Apathy is odd: like a misty spring fog, grey and smothering. You know it ought to be warm but instead it’s wet and chilly. You grope around in the semi-darkness trying to figure out what to do next but not particularly caring. If it goes on too long you start to think of ways to check and make sure you’re still alive and feeling. Unpleasant but you don’t really care.
I greatly prefer anger: very simple, very pure, usually quick. Big Brother had a good idea with the 5 Minute Hate. There’s nothing like pure, unfiltered hatred to cleanse the mind and exhaust the body. Anger is a red blanket, all fuzzy and warm. It falls over your head like a painter’s dropcloth and erases everything but itself for the short time it takes it to burn out. You don’t have to look for sensation because that’s what it is.
Apathy is the absence of sensation, anger is the presence of sensation.
Oh well, it’s a lovely little thing being a half-formed man. Meh, maybe I just need some sleep.