Sitting at the bar and staring at the taps I’m presented with my choice of: Yazoo Pale Ale, Shiner Bock, Fat Tire, and Abita Purple Haze. Toss in a PBR pounder and the occasional pint of Yuengling Lager and a man could die happy.

The feeling is a lot different than it used to be. In the old days my motto was “Anywhere but Here.” Get me out of here, get me gone, go somewhere and milk somewhere else for all it is worth. Now I have a family left behind struggling with my absence and wishing I was there. Now I keep the trips short and sweet, do the job, pack in as much fun as possible and get home.

So I get to miss my family but still see a lot of beautiful Kansas City, ride up the St. Louis Arch, visit friends in Chicago, drive through Indiana and spend another night in Nashville.

It ain’t all pain and suffering, my friends. Just mostly.

Whee!

What started out years ago as a desire to visit the Norman landing beaches on D-Day turned into a month-long odyssey through England, France and Italy with stops in London, Portsmouth, Caen, Cherbourg, Paris, Rome, Florence, and a number of other small towns along the way. I saw Utah, Omaha, Juno, Sword and Gold Beaches along with Pointe-du-Hoc, the Merville Battery, Pegasus Bridge, Ouistreham, the Arromanches Mulberry and St Mere Eglise. I saw the RAF Memorial, Apsley House, Duxford Airfield, the National Army Museum, the Cabinet War Rooms, the British Museum, and the HMS Victory. I saw Notre Dame, Napoleon’s Tomb, Montmartre, Saint Chappele, the Louvre, Versailles, and Euro Disney. I saw the Pantheon, Coliseum, Circus Maximus, Palatine Hill, Trevi Fountain, Spanish Steps, Duomo, and Vatican City.

Hell, I covered so much ground I even got to see two old friends and a cousin!

After all that, I came back to the dear old United States of America and turned a number of good ideas into a five month circumnavigation of the entire country.

That’s a story for another day a month, a week and a day from now when that anniversary occurs.

I’ll leave you with the highlights of the trip.

Europe_2008

It has been a day of returns to my former life. My level of annoyance at fhe people I would call my own is deeply frightening.

Here we are. Here we go. As a wise man said, “Buy the ticket. Take the ride.”

There was a moment tonight when I was in the right place ecumenically and alcoholically to go properly ripping and tearing through the literary world. Those moments are few and far between. Sadly, that one is past. So I’ll groove on white people blues and contemplate the near future.

It may hold promise.

1. The Handicapped – There’s nothing worse than standing in a long line while everything comes to a screeching halt so some gimpy jackass – who skipped the entire line anyway – gets loaded into a ride. I’ll make you buggers need a wheelchair!

2. Families with small children – Again, it’s damned difficult to move ahead in line when Mom and Dad are facing backwards having a discussion while their holy terrors run headlong towards the ride-crippling machinery with malicious intent.
3. Non-English Speakers – Have you ever spent time amongst any of the other people in the world? They have no concept of personal space, believe that extreme assertiveness is the only way to get ahead and ignore direction which causes an inevitable ride shutdown for safety reasons. Just stay behind the goddamned yellow line and we can all try to have fun! Foreign scum.
4. The Elderly – These poor folks not only move slightly slower than three-toed sloths with mono; they have a disturbing tendency to travel in packs whilst wandering side to side “like a drunken man on a sidewalk” blocking the entire walkway and reducing all and sundry to their leisurely pace.
5. The Grossly Obese – Combine the elderly, inattentive youngsters and the handicapped and you have the grossly obese. Often an entire ride has to be stopped to slather on the Crisco necessary to wedge these poor fools into the average sized seats. The boat rides often list perilously to port or starboard leaving the other passengers to desperately scramble in hopes of balancing the load. Then, not only do they move impossibly slowly when walking they also manage to take up twice the area of a sizable band of sherry swilling Red Hat Ladies careening hopelessly down the sidewalk.

For good measure I could add teenagers – I think if you pulled out their earphones their brains would leak out and I wish they’d occasionally just SHUT THE F**K UP! – and Yankees fans.